Don't Tell Me

Mike sat in the waiting room in shock, this had been going on for months?

I would never lie to you The words rang mockingly through his mind, why did John keep this from him?

"Mr. Mizanin?" a doctor appeared "You can see him now."

John lied in the bed, several IV's running several medications through him as he currently drifted in a medicated slumber.

"Oh Johnny..." Mike took his hand and sighed "Why do you do this to me?"

"How does it feel?" John whispered as his eye slowly opened. "How does it feel to be lied to?"

"What do you mean?" Mike's eyes filled with horror "Baby...you didn't do this on purpose, did you?"

"I didn't think it would get this bad," John said softly. "I thought you would have noticed by now."

"Baby..." Mike was starting to cry "WHY would you do this?"

"I just wanted you to know how I felt everytime you did this to me," john muttered. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? " Mike couldn't believe his ears "John...I had to be restrained by half a dozen people to keep me from running out to you and breaking character. I nearly made MYSELF sick worrying about you all the way here and now, I find out you did this on purpose?" Mike stood and went to the door "I'm the one who's sorry, sorry I ever met you."

He left before John could say another word.

"Mike, Mikey please!" John pleaded as he watched his lover leave the room.

Mike could hear his lover calling him and he paused in the middle of the hallway. Part of him wanted to just go back and tell John that all was forgiven, but the other part was really hurt by what John had done...and the latter part won. Slowly turning back around, Mike kept walking, vowing to come back and have a long talk with John in the morning.

What Mike didn't know was back in his room there were tears streaming down John's cheeks.

Mike's conscience tormented him all night

You should go back, you should go back, John needs you...

Mike almost went back several times, but he was just too hurt...

Without his lover at his side, John was beginning to lose the battle with the infection he'd kept hidden for so long. Just after midnight John was put on a ventilator as his lungs lacked the strenth to breathe on their own.

Mike had a horrible feeling in his stomach when he re-entered the hospital at 8 in the morning, it didn't help that the nurses were giving him dirty looks. He felt his heart stop when he got back to John's hotel room,

"Johnny!!!" Mike ran to his lover's side "Oh god..oh god I should never have left you, baby can you hear me?" Mike held John's hand tightly "Johnny, Johnny!!!!"

John gave a soft moan past the tube, but nothing else. He swore he was only dreaming, Mike was never going to come back, and he was going to die there.

"Johnny..." Mike began to cry when the brunette's eyes remained shut "Johnny please, I'm so sorry I left baby, I got angry...and oh god baby I'm so sorry please come back, don't leave me!!"

Mike cradled John's head in his hands and kissed him gently "Please Johnny...I'm right here, please forgive me...and come back to me."

John gave a weak moan again, but gave no other response, too weak to open his eyes.

"It's okay baby, it's okay..." Mike whispered those words over and over again "Just relax, I'm here, and I'm never going to leave again, I love you Johnny, with all my heart."

With what little strenght John could muster he weakly squeezed Mike's hand before falling asleep again.

Mike breathed a massive sigh of relief when he felt John squeeze his hand "That's it baby, just hang in there." He stayed up the whole night, not letting go of John's hand even once, he needed to see his pretty eyes again...

John weakly stirred the next morning, his eyes slowly trying to open.

"C'mon Johnny, that's it, come back to me." Mike rubbed John's hand gently "Come on baby, open your eyes for me."

John's eyes finally opened but they were mere slits, almost a fraction of an inch.

"Hey sweetheart..." Mike gently kissed John's hand "Welcome back, I'm so sorry Johnny...I'm so so sorry..."