An Angel's Inner Demons

Angel was sleeping peeacefully until she realized Cody wasn't there.

"Cody?" Angel muttered sleepily.

"So you'll be there?" Cody murmured "Great see you then" he quickly hung up and went back out to the bedroom

"Here I am Angel" he smiled warmly "Sorry I woke you" he crawled under the covers and gave her a gentle kiss "C'mon, let's go back to sleep."

Angel nodded, snuggling back into Cody's arms, the safest place she knew.

"Night baby," Angel murmured.

"Goodnight Angel" Cody gave her another gentle kiss before he too, fell asleep.

The next morning...

Cody was already dressed and Angel was just finishing when there was a knock at the door,

"Oh hey" he whispered "C'mon in, I'm glad you could come."

Shawn nodded "I want to make this right" he whispered

Angel's legs were giving her major issues as she tried to pull her jeans on.

"Cody!" Angel called.

Shawn looked at Cody who stepped aside so he could go in instead "Could I help?" he asked softly

Angel looked up, but didn't respond, still struggling on her own.

"Here let me help you with that" Shawn murmured, coming over to help her finish getting dressed

"Thank you," Angel muttered, wobbling slowly over to get her walker, losing her balance a short distance before she got there and falling to the floor.

"Angel!" Shawn ran over and helped her to her feet "You alright sweetheart?"

"I'm fine," Angel said., grabbing her walker and sitting down on it's seat. "Cody, do you know where my muscle cream is, my legs are killing me and you know I don't take pain pills, I don't wanna get addicted like SOME people," Angel said.

Shawn winced at the reference to his less than stellar past "Angel please" he whispered softly "That was a long time ago, I'm not like that anymore."

"I was two Shawn," Angel said coldly. "I was begging you not to leave, but you didn't give a damn, all you cared about was getting your next fix!"

"You have no idea..." Shawn murmured, tears filling in his eyes "How often I've regretted walking out on you and your mother that day, it was the wrong decision and if I could go back..." Shawn cut himself off and sighed "Angel I can't change the past" he whispered "But I was hoping we could have a good future, couldn't we at least try?"

"Not if you keep treating me the way you have been we can't," Angel said. "You keep treating Rebbeca's kids so much better than you've ever treated me!" "What makes them better, huh?" "What did I do that makes me so inferior to them?"

"You look just like your mother!" Shawn blurted out, tears streaming down his face "I know you don't believe me Angel but I loved her,deeply, but I was so stupid I let my addiction to pills get in the way and I lost the best thing that ever happened to me!" He was breathing deeply, intense emotion raging in his eyes "If I have treated you any differently, it's because everytime I look at you I'm reminded of what I threw away, of what I could have had if only I hadn't been so damned STUPID!" He was nearly sobbing now "And it HURTS Angel, to see the face of the woman I loved day after day, it hurts so much I want to die!"

"Well you made your bed daddy, now you've got to lie in it," Angel said. "If you don't learn how to deal with that, not only will you lose my mom forever, you'll lose me too."

Shawn stared down at the floor and for a while he didn't speak, his voice a hoarse whisper when he did "I have been trying to deal with it..." he murmured, slowly pulling up the sleeves of his shirt, revealing wrists still covered in wrestling tape. Very slowly he began to unwind the dirty white bindings, revealing angry red scars that crisscrossed both his wrists. Most looked old, but a few looked suspiciously fresh. Shawn pointed to a set in particular that still looked sickeningly red "These..." he murmured softly, "I got these when I missed your mother's funeral, that's why I wasn't at RAW that Monday, I was still at the hospital after Hunter found me that night half-dead from blood loss."

Angel sighed softly, pulling the writs bands off her wrists to show off her own scars. "Since I was 13," Angel muttered. "I thought you hated me," she admitted. "I thought you were ashamed of me beacause of.......you know," she drifted off, pointing to her walker.

"Oh Angel NO!" Shawn reached forward and pulled his daughter into his arms "I've felt guilt and I've felt shame over what I did, but I have NEVER hated you, for ANY reason. You're my Angel for a reason" he murmured, still crying freely "I love you, and ever since I got the chance to see you every day on the road I've been trying to undo the pain I caused you when I left." He gave Angel a kiss and then stepped back, rolling down his sleeves with a sigh "I will always love you" he whispered "Even if you never forgive me, I will always love you."

"I can forgive you, but only if you promise me this," Angel said. "No more more broken empty promises, no more lies, no more pain." "No more of it."

Shawn nodded "No more" he whispered, eyes still filled with tears "I promise Angel, you'll never have a reason to hate me again."

Angel smiled, standing up, walking around to hold the side of her walker, she steadied herself before she held out her arms. "Come here," Angel said.

Shawn wiped his eyes and leaned over into his daughter's waiting arms "I love you" he whispered softly "Thank you for forgiving me, you have no idea how much it means to me."

"I love you too," Angel said softly. "I couldn't go on hating you forever, I maight have killed myself if I had," Angel said. "That or drive poor Cody crazy."